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[10 Dec 2010|08:46pm]

Maybe I get my feelings hurt too easily-I don't know. I think that friends are to be treated as the gems they are and cherished. My friends mean so much to me that I never want to hurt them. I want to uplift them and be a source of happiness to them as they are to me. I want love them, and laugh with them and be there for them when they need to be heard or hugged or just need to know they are special and loved. Am I
alone in this way if thinking or are the people that don't reciprocate not truly my friends- no matter how much I love them?

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Pluck My Petals

[10 Dec 2010|01:33am]

Made it through.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Pluck My Petals

[08 Dec 2010|07:20pm]

Today seems like a good day to stop.
I don't want to be...
Sicker than I am today
Sadder than I am today
Older than I am today
I don't want to be...
Today seems like a good day to stop.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Pluck My Petals

[15 Jun 2008|01:47am]
I miss you so much......

There have been so many times (like this) that I have spoken to you and only hoped that you could hear me. I dream about you often. In my dreams you are glorious and I run to you... but can never get to you. I run and run and I get nowhere... I call out but you do not hear me. You are happy- even without me. Maybe that's the way it needed to be. I'm not sure that I'll ever fully know or understand. So in the meantime I will continue to talk to you as though you are listening and watching and reading.... and just hope.

Hope that somehow you can you hear me. Hear me tell you the stories of my life... hear me laugh, hear me cry, hear me pour my heart out to you, hear me singing loudly when I think no one is around ... hear me say something that would make you cringe or or make you laugh or just make you love me.

Hope that can you see me when I do the stupid things that I do when I think no one is looking. Hope that you have watched me grow and change, watched me make mistakes, watched me live my life.

Have you been proud? How have I done on my own? Has it been on my own or have you been there all along? I like to think that you are there? I feel comfort in the idea that you are watching and cheering me on.... but I don't hear you and I can't see you.... and I can barely remember your face anymore. I don't know if my memories are truly memories or if they are only images from the photos that I hold so dear. I can't remember your voice. I don't remember what it sounds like to hear you say "I love you". I miss you so much.....

I'm sorry- I really am. I hope you know that. I love you and I hate you and I love you some more. You're gone but please don't leave me. I need you- despite what I have said from time to time.

And I want you to know... he looks like you. He feels like you did. Passionately and purely. He hurts like you and that scares me to death. He breaks my heart in ways that no one understands. Can I help him? Could someone have helped you? If you were here you could tell me what to do. Would it have passed or was it inevitable? I'm trying so hard to make it right. I'm trying so hard to not repeat the same mistakes.

Sometimes I want to run to you. I think about how much easier it would be if I did. I want you to hold me and make it all alright. I know I can't.... but I want to. Maybe someday that time will come. Will you have me then? Will I be enough then? Can we be together again? Will you hold me and shelter me from the storms and make all the scary things go away? I've been waiting a long time for that.... A really long time and I'll continue to wait.

I thought about going to see you today- but it's just too hard. So once again I will let it pass and just quietly think about you. But I WILL be thinking about you... as I always do. You are gone but not forgotten, you have left but are always with me- in me- part of me.
I love you... I miss you....

1 You love me~You love me not Pluck My Petals

[21 May 2007|07:30am]
[ mood | determined ]

Please don't let me concede to the darkness that is lurking in the corners but let me retain the light that burns from deep within. I long to recapture the strength that has transcended the trenches of battle and brought my gasping lungs to sweet breath. Fear, the evil nymph shall not knock on my door but keep her distance as I gain the courage to pluck her wings and render her flightless. Change is on the horizon. I shall not sit idly by rather, I will gladly sew the seeds and embrace the Eden that will grow from the spirit.

1 You love me~You love me not Pluck My Petals

Vent [10 Mar 2007|12:42am]
Read more...Collapse )

Thank you and good night.

On a lighter and brighter note... [08 Mar 2007|08:46pm]
Cliff Notes to my week (or two)

1~ Got a hair cut. It's short and I like it.
2~ Went shopping and finally spent my birthday and Christmas gift cards! Got some fun new clothes :) I decided to go now cuz this season's new trend of black and white very mod stripes and polka dots is super hot and I NEEDED to stock up! Yay!!
3~ One of the girls at work had a birthday party so all of us gals went and had a great time! It as so nice to spend time with them outside of work. This has inspired a "happy hour" outing this coming Wednesday and then hopefully monthly after that! Yay!
3~ My friend Tiff's new baby was sick with RSV and was in the hospital for 6 days. She was released Tuesday, just in time for her 1 month birthday! Happy Birthday Mikayla! Auntie is happy that you are feeling better!
4~ My Biz partner and I are meeting on Saturday to fill out all of the paperwork for our Business license and to get things up and running!! Yay!
5~ My friend(of 19 years)Jaimee, is moving to CO at the end of the month. I am sooo happy for her and the great things this move means for her but it leaves me with an empty spot in my soul. I'll miss her and our monthly girl's nights immensely! No more Tapas at the Uva Bar or rude waiters who try to serve me meat at the Jazz Kitchen! I saw her this past weekend and we have one more outing scheduled before she leaves!! Thank goodness I still get March! I guess I need to take advantage of cheep airfare and her guest room for our April meeting! I'll miss you girl!
6~ On a strangely coincidental note... I have just reunited with a friend (Becky)that I haven't seen or heard from in 19 years! Yes, the same amount of time that I have known Jaimee. Not related except for by the move that caused the loss in contact with Becky and simultaneously gave me the opportunity to meet Jaimee. Odd huh? Anywho... Beck and I were the very bestest of friends in junior high and early high school and were bonded by a series of events and tragedies that took place during those crazy years. I have thought about her often over the years and have been looking for her for quite some time. Well, diligence and Classmates.com for $40.00 a year sure pays off! It started with an email and has moved on to 2 hour phone conversations. It's like picking up where we left off. The other amazing fact is that she lives in LA so we are only about 30 mins away from one another. We are planning to get together in the next week or two! I can't wait!
7~ I got 2 water frogs! They are so cute! I was looking for a friend for my beta- it is a misconception that they are anti-social and cannot be kept with other creatures. He is actually intrigued by them. He watches them and swims next to them and was only slightly aggressive for the 1st few minutes. I was floating their bag in the tank (to bring their temp up so that I didn't shock them when I put them in their new home)and he puffed up and tried to look all scary. But as soon as I set them free he was perfectly fine and got all swimmy and cute! I also put a live plant in the tank which he seems to really like :)

Well, I think that's it for now. But who knows.
2 You love me~You love me nots Pluck My Petals

by the way.... [08 Mar 2007|08:23pm]
[ mood | ummmmm peachy!!! ]

If you're gunna fuck me...
do it with a 14" strap on rather than with a vienna sausage. At least that way there is no question in my mind as to whether it really happened or not.


7 You love me~You love me nots Pluck My Petals

[08 Mar 2007|07:36pm]
Tragedy in mind body and spirit ever searching for an answer, a truth or even a half truth.
Break me if you will... you can, you know. My guilt is both my Achilles heel and your arrow and you certainly are a good shot.
Ease my fears with new ones and heal my scars with fresh wounds. Oh how I prefer fresh blood to scar tissue. At least it lends itself to a fresh new story and is open for interpretation. Play a game of darts you ask? Chuck them at my beating heart... how dare it beat so recklessly anyway. . Trust? Ha! What a notion. Loyalty? Is only a word spoken when you need to prove your point and stake your claim. Reality? It's debatable that it even exists. Friendship? I won't even go there.........
Pluck My Petals

I couldn't help myself. [04 Mar 2007|11:36am]
[ mood | curious ]

Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me.

It can only be one word. No more.

Then copy & paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you.

11 You love me~You love me nots Pluck My Petals

Stolen from Vylit_Rain [02 Feb 2007|12:03am]
[ mood | Tired and Cranky ]

10 YEARS AGO (1997) ...

survey behind the cutCollapse )

2 You love me~You love me nots Pluck My Petals

I need your help.... [29 Jan 2007|09:02pm]
[ mood | excited ]

So, here's the deal... a friend of mine and I are starting an alternative event planning company. To oversimplify, we want to plan the weddings and parties that people like us never get because regular event planners can't or won't do it for us. We're calling ourselves Sordid Affair, and we need help with a slogan.

Please go to: http://poison-me.livejournal.com/237728.html

We want to know what you guys think. If you comment anonymously, leave your name so we know who to thank.

Thanks guys!!

Ohhh~ P.S. This is still in the preliminary stages and is very hush hush so please do not share this idea or info with anyone.
Thanks again!

Pluck My Petals

[17 Dec 2006|10:55am]
On the twelfth day of Christmas, lovelytragedy sent to me...
Twelve fairytales drumming
Eleven illusions piping
Ten butterflyes a-leaping
Nine capybaras dancing
Eight walls a-longing
Seven cravings a-yearning
Six metamorphosis a-venting
Five be-e-e-eauty marks
Four virgin suicides
Three high iq's
Two old habits
...and a vegetarian in a rice candy.
Get your own Twelve Days:
1 You love me~You love me not Pluck My Petals

Love Letter- P [04 Dec 2006|10:21am]
[ mood | Home sick ]

I have been gifted with the letter P. I am to list 10 things I like starting with the letter P. If you comment, I will give you your own letter, then you can post to your own journal.

1. Purple
2. Poetry
3. Pottery
4. Packages in the mail
5. Pretzels (chocolate covered)
6. Public Diplays of Affection
7. Photography
8. Party Planning (ooh a double P there)
9. Positive Afirmations
10. Pesto

OK... who's next?

8 You love me~You love me nots Pluck My Petals

[12 Nov 2006|03:25am]
[ mood | tired ]

No will or desire to cease the love-hate relationship with my friend and enemy alike. Upon reaching the fork in the road, in this journey called existence, it is now apparent that my choice of left over right may not have been the yellow brick road that it claimed to be. I suppose it is true that hindsight is 20/20; but foresight is immeasurable and should be utilized at every turn.... but that's hindsight speaking! Denial is nothing but the devil's whisper in your ear to eat the forbidden fruit. Did I ever stop to ask myself why it was forbidden? Of course... but did I listen for the answer? I don't recall. What was...was and what is...is. I just wonder what would have been had I chosen the other road.

Pluck My Petals

[04 Nov 2006|06:19pm]
[ mood | Lost ]

This battle of wills torments the mind and soul and brings me to my knees this day. Who will win, me.. or me and who am I rooting for? Who wins in the battle of ones self? Do I lose regardless of the outcome? When did I become so weak? When did I become so masochistic that I started wanting and craving what I know is so wrong? What seemed so innocent, and so intentional has spiraled so out of control... and what's worse is that I like it. I love it. It makes me feel whole while it eats at me. The further it disintegrates my bones the more I need it. The worse I feel.... the more sick pleasure I gain. I hold in my possession a deep seeded ravenous hunger that can only be satiated by the starvation of my entire being. Logic plays no role and fear is only played against itself... what am I more afraid of starvation or fulfillment- health or demons- perception or reality? I can honestly say that I don't know anymore.

13 You love me~You love me nots Pluck My Petals

Please Hug me! :) [25 Sep 2006|08:46pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

International 'Hug a Vegetarian' Day Friday, September 29

1 You love me~You love me not Pluck My Petals

Interesting [01 Sep 2006|07:08pm]
[ mood | good ]

hmmm.... This is pretty accurate. Stolen from J :)

Your Brain Usage Profile:

Auditory : 57%
Visual : 42%
Left : 52%
Right : 47%

H, your hemispheric dominance is equally divided between left and right brain, while you show a moderate preference for auditory versus visual learning, signs of a balanced and flexible person.

Your balance gives you the enviable capacity to be verbal and literate while retaining a certain "flair" and individuality. You are logical and compliant but only to a degree. You are organized without being compulsive, goal-directed without being driven, and a "thinking" individual without being excessively so.

The one problem you might have is that your learning might not be as efficient as you would like. At times you will work from the specific to the general, while at other times you'll work from the general to the specific. Sometimes you will be logical in your approach while at other times random. Since you cannot always control the choice, you may experience frustrations not normally felt by persons with a more defined and directed learning style.

You may also minimally experience conflicts associated with auditory processing. You will be systematic and sequential in your processing of information, you will most often focus on a single dimension of the problem or material, and you will be more reflective, i.e., "taking the data in" as opposed to "devouring" it.

Overall, you should feel content with your life and yourself. You are, perhaps, a little too critical of yourself - and of others - while maintaining an "openness" which is redeeming. Indecisiveness is a problem and your creativity is not in keeping with your potential. Being a pragmatist, you downplay this aspect of yourself and focus on the more immediate, the more obvious and the more functional.

3 You love me~You love me nots Pluck My Petals

[13 Aug 2006|09:40pm]
Thanks for lunch on Friday Steph. It was great seeing you!! I hope we can do it again soon.

2 You love me~You love me nots Pluck My Petals

[19 Jul 2006|07:59pm]
[ mood | sick ]

I'm back from vacation and I had an amazing time! It was a well needed retreat from work and everyday life. I swam and did a little hiking- ran into a rattle snake, fell into a blackberry bush and was bruised head to toe while tubing....it was awesome!! Unfortunately I ended up getting sick (go figure) and a trip to the doctor's office this morning revealed that I have bronchitis and the beginning stages of pneumonia! Yay- 4 years in a row!! Does this same episode really need to keep playing? A breathing treatment (for the asthma attach that I was apparently having - a shot in my butt and two prescriptions later and I was sent on my way with a follow up appointment with the doctor in 2 weeks (once I am off my myriad of meds) to get a full physical and blood work cause this is getting ridiculous. I think they may be tired of seeing me in their office every 3 months :)

Otherwise, life is good. Back to work- which sucks but the kids are gone for two weeks which leaves D and I home alone!!! Yay! It will give me time to recuperate and will give me and my sweetie some quality alone time after spending a week in VERY close quarters with extended family members. I'm looking forward to it.

OK, That's all for now. I'm heading to bed.


Pluck My Petals

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